By Emil Winther

My body is feverishly heated and its deterioration opens up for my soul to start evaporating.It is slowly dissolving and reintegrating itself into the unity ­ the unity that my mind through my birth was an end to.

Having transcended almost entirely into pure energy and having just a feeble touch of mind and self­awareness left I ask silently into the universe for it to reemerge me into my natural state of being. But the answer is no, a ‘not yet’, a ‘go back’.

What I know that I know

Butterflies host the green passage of trees that make the climb up the mountain towards Boyes Drive 196. I’ve just moved into an apartment that has a view over Muizenberg, a town about half an hour’s drive away from Cape Town in South Africa.

There’s a joke on our team that comes from an Icelandic saying: É g hef komið niður af fjöllum ­ I’ve come down from the mountains. Idiomatically it means that you do not get what is going on or that you do not understand the context. As I am sitting on my veranda and doing one of my favorite new activities, mindsurfing ­ imagining that I am surfing while watching the waves, I see the irony of this expression and me sitting literally on the mountain and passively observing Muizenberg.

Last night I was sitting at the same spot and was looking at the stars, the ocean and how the light from the moon reflects perfectly in the ocean in my direction. That’s geometry. The moonlight will always ­ when you are sitting on the mountain ­ reflect perfectly in your anglel in the ocean seen from your perspective. That I know. I know that what exists to me is only what I experience in the presence. Everything else is an unconfirmed rumour.

What I know that I don’t know

Here is a rumour for you: The only constant is change ­ meaning that everything changes all the time. You will never bathe in the same river twice. Cybernetics will tell you that you and everybody and everything else are agents of change whether you change things actively or passively. Right now I am affecting the deserts of Kazakhstan, ants in Argentina, Venus and far away galaxies ­ simply by not being there or by creating ripples of air into the wind as it blows by me and I exhale.

My purpose by being in Muizenberg is to create change. My role is the role of the Kaospilot, a social entrepreneur, a student of enterprising leadership. Concretely my task of now could be described as leading a process of strengthening the community of Muizenberg. I will do that through facilitating meaningful conversations between the different groups of Muizenbergers who make up the core of a festival that takes place in October. It’s called the Muizenberg Festival. How do you like that rumour?

What I don’t know that I know

Ever since I was a kid I have tried to recognise patterns ­ patterns in my parents’ behaviour, in how the seasons would change, in what animals and plants look like and do. In language, math, history, technology, what I in general learned in school, through all sorts of media, my imagination. Stories that my dad would tell me when we went for walks at the beach with our foxterrier. These patterns accumulated into vast worlds of narratives. I can close my eyes and imagine what it feels like to be walking down an alley on an autumn day in a village in Sicily and inhale a hundred smells even though I’ve never been there. That is my external world.

My internal world I access through my dreams and through meditation. Here is a rumour to you from that world: I feel strongly more and more as I become older and have gone through rites of passage that I, as no longer being in the beginning of my youth, but in the middle, am here on this planet in this day and age to strengthen human communities, tribes and families ­ those that consist of family members and those groups of friends who, as they grow up, become each other’s family. That to me is in its nature to navigate in complexity and ambiguity as all social systems are complex.

What I don’t know that I don’t know

Is probably the most interesting thing for my mind to dwell in. At the same time completely irrelevant to me and anybody else since I of course will never know. That to me is where taking action is relevant. By seeing that if I can affect the deserts of Kazakhstan by exhaling then I most certainly can also affect what is important, valuable and desirable to me. Then I can stand up and lead myself, lead others, lead the change and create places on planet Earth that amplify smiles, deepen laughter and strengthen relations between people. Places that strengthen nature. That is why I traveled with the Kaospilot to South Africa. That is why I have chosen to move out of Cape Town to Muizenberg for a while to be at the place where my actions and abilities can be of service to those who need it. The complexity of this task is not linear, it’s not simple or obvious and I will make many mistakes, learn, try again and hopefully do better.

One day my soul will slip through my mind and surf away to new dimensions. Until then I will keep waking up and the waves will keep hitting the shore.